Raising Children after Separation: Some Practical Advice

 

The ' Education is a central theme of each family. It is important for parents to maintain a coherent and shared educational system that helps the child understand how to behave and what is not allowed to do. It is not an easy path, the educational one, and it puts a strain on parents. After a separation, however, this project becomes even thornier. In fact, the education of children after separation takes on considerable complexity and can become a real challenge for parents.

Two houses and two different routines lead parents to no longer share the rules of behavior under one roof. Sometimes, mom and dad can soften on the regulatory aspect. This may be because of the guilt they feel for the decision they have had to make. To avoid other frustrations, therefore, they find themselves putting less rules or not enforcing them adequately. Even the strong emotions that parents experience can divert attention from the educational plan. The presence of strong anger linked to the conflict between the ex-spouses can, for example, make all energies concentrate elsewhere, flying over the education of children after separation.

The risk could be that of disorienting the child, who finds himself no longer having a safe framework in which to move, in which the principles of his education are defined. The education of children after separation becomes, therefore, one of the main themes in the communication between mom and dad who, although they are no longer couples, will always be parents.

EDUCATION OF CHILDREN AFTER SEPARATION: WHAT TO DO?

·         STABILITY. The separation concerns mom and dad. Inevitably, it has repercussions on the whole family system, especially the children. It is important, however, that, although more husband and wife, the parenting couple remains a point of reference. For this reason, the constant presence of both parents in their children's decisions becomes fundamental.

·         COMMUNICATION. It seems trivial to say it, but communication between mom and dad is essential. It is important that parents talk to each other about the educational aspects of their children. Even where the situation is not perfectly peaceful, they must share some fundamental rules that are necessary for the development of children. This does not mean that the education of the parents must be identical: the children, in fact, need parental references that, even with their specificities, maintain a common educational line.

·         SHARING. Although many decisions must be made on the spot, the choices must be shared as much as possible. Taking positions by imposing itself, in fact, risks exacerbating or reactivating conflicts, to the detriment of the child only. Discussing and arguing about children's education is very common, especially after a separation. This, however, moves away from the common goal: the well-being and serenity of the children. Although difficult, putting aside grudges and rivalries is always the best choice.

THE EDUCATION OF CHILDREN AFTER SEPARATION: HOW TO ADDRESS THE SENSES OF Fault

One of the feelings most experienced by separated parents is that of guilt. It may be that the parent who (formally) made the decision to split lives mixed feelings and tends to put aside the regulatory role a little. Sometimes, those who find themselves seeing the child less and being less part of their daily life choose to take on the role of the friend, to try to avoid conflicts and clashes. The situations can be endless.

Education after separation is not easy. Very strong experiences intervene and it is not always easy to understand what to do. After the first period of adjustment, however, it is important to refocus on what are the priorities of the children. Sometimes, a shared path can be a good way to deal with education after separation. To prevent conflicts and clashes from rekindling, a path to support parenting can be an opportunity to communicate functionally on these issues. Also because, it is good to keep in mind, these situations, if prolonged, risk being dangerous. In fact, they risk confusing the child and sucking him into very complex dynamics. This also applies to the adolescent period, where parental reference is essential.

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Covid and Adolescents: What Consequences on a Psychological Level?

The suspended time. These are the words that come to my mind to define the situation that all adolescents and pre-adolescents are experiencing in this period of pandemic. Covid and adolescents, a combination that is too often underestimated. If not, watching any news, to point them out as those who overlook the various restrictions. Like those who do not respect the current regulations put in place for the welfare of the community. Young people who do not give up on aperitifs. Teenagers who "are living on vacation", as some say. But are we sure this is really the case?

COVID AND ADOLESCENTS: WHAT TO THINK ABOUT?

Turning on the television or browsing any social network, you hear about Coronavirus and the effects that this situation is producing at various levels. At the health level, first of all, and at an economic level. Too little importance is given to the effects that the Coronavirus is producing on a psychological level. Both in adults and in children. Furthermore, particular attention should be paid to the relationship between Covid and adolescents: young people, in fact, are facing a global pandemic while they are going through a phase of life that is certainly full of complexity and challenges.

Too little space, therefore, is given to the relationship between Covid and adolescents. There are many questions we should ask ourselves. For example, how are the children experiencing this period of crisis? What are the consequences on children of this period of uncertainty, fear, suffering and death? How do they live the restrictions, the lack of possibility of being able to share their daily life with friends and companions? The typical transgression of this period: how can it be expressed? How can today's teenagers distance themselves from the adult world if they have to do it inside their bedroom? These (and many other) questions we should ask ourselves, as adults, to support the new generations in this time of great crisis.

ANXIETY IS NOT PREPOGATIVE (UNFORTUNATELY) OF THE ADULT WORLD

It seems obvious to say it: even children and young people suffer from anxiety. Nothing could be more wrong to think otherwise. But sadly, there are still those who still believe that children have no reason to experience worry or outright anxiety. Who knows why, then? As if anxiety were the prerogative of the adult world. Unfortunately, however, this is not the case.

The sense of uncertainty to which we are all subjected in these long months, in fact, also affects children and young people. L ' anxiety in adolescents can manifest itself in many different ways. Boys can express it verbally and express concern, along with mental and psychomotor agitation. Other times they can express it through closure and withdrawal. At other times they can show impatience and aggressive behavior. Some guys, on the other hand, can sometime their anxiety by showing general malaise, headache, or stomach ache. Sleep-wake rhythms may alter, appetite may fail or, on the contrary, increase significantly. In short, there are many ways in which children can express their anxiety. And, from what emerges from recent studies, anxiety is a dramatically present element in the relationship between Coved and adolescents.

ADOLESCENTS, BETWEEN AUTONOMY AND DEPENDENCY

Adolescence is, by definition, a complex period. In fact, there are many challenges that young people have to face during this period of life. First of all the physical changes that, starting from puberty, transform the child's body into an adult physicality, through the maturation of the reproductive system and the appearance of secondary sexual characteristics. Along with these, also changes at the cognitive level, with the development of the formal operative stage and of hypothetical deductive thinking. Furthermore, other changes are those that take place on a social level, in which the peer group acquires a central role in the child's life.

The changes that children face are real challenges. In fact, during adolescence, children have to transform their childhood identity into something different, into an adult identity. As you can imagine (and remember) it is not easy. Building your own identity is an ongoing process. It is a recursive path, one of continuous distancing and re-approaching. It is a continuous passage from the world of childhood to that of the adult, through processes of autonomy and dependence. In short, encounters and clashes. The target? Making sense of the question "Who am I?" and find your place in the world.

COVID AND ADOLESCENTS: THE CHALLENGES

Let's try to see together the challenges that adolescents face in order to give meaning and meaning to the question “Who am I?”

L ' IDENTITY   BODY adolescents, which develops from the image body that kids build self-confidence. The body image is a subjective construction, which includes physiological, psychological and social elements. The body image, therefore, is also structured by comparison with others.

L ' IDENTITY STAFF, intended as a definition of themselves. To do this, the growing autonomy with respect to parental figures is fundamental.

L ' IDENTITY OF SEXUAL as multidimensional construct composed of four components: biological sex, gender identity, gender role, and sexual orientation. Another fundamental element, moreover, is the integration between the affective and sexual spheres.

L ' IDENTITY  SOCIAL , that kids build away from the role of child, through the peer group, to find their place in the world.

THE CENTRAL ROLE OF THE EQUAL GROUP

To face the different challenges that adolescence brings with it, therefore, children need to experiment and experiment. It is, in fact, a continuous and recursive process of distancing and rapprochement from the parental figures, in order to achieve an autonomy that is not physical, but also (and above all) psychological. To do this, the role of the peer group is fundamental and, in adolescence, plays a central role in development. The peer group, in fact, represents a real social laboratory where to choose, experiment, experiment and move independently from the adult world. It is central to all the challenges mentioned above. Friends and the target group, therefore, are central to the construction of identity.

What happens, then, if the kids are locked up at home and have no way to meet their peer group? What happens if the school is remote, the training sessions are stopped and the meeting places are closed? These and many other questions we should ask ourselves regarding the relationship between Covid and adolescents.

We do not yet know what consequences the period we are experiencing can bring to the growth and development of adolescents. What we do know about the relationship between Covid and teenagers, however, is that it requires reconsidering how some of the development steps presented above are achieved. In fact, what has worked up to now is no longer possible or, at least, must be transformed.

COVID AND ADOLESCENTS: SOME REFLECTIONS

No, teens are not on vacation. Distance learning is no longer simple because “so much they can copy”. The kids are not happy because they can wake up later and take lessons in their pajamas. Teenagers are finding themselves having to face their growth spurt in a certainly new context, where the encounter with the other, at best, is mediated by a mask. At worst, however, from a screen. Behind social networks or through video calls. Or via online video games.

Fortunately, new technologies make it possible to maintain a concrete interaction, albeit at a distance. This, however, requires a change and a limitation from what was happening before. Some say, however, that the choice to meet behind a monitor existed even before. True. But it was, in fact, a choice. Not a necessity.

We don't know what the consequences of this pandemic will be on children. There is still a lot to understand about the relationship between Covid and adolescents. What needs to be kept in mind, however, is that, as adults, we have a duty to think about this relationship.

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Talking About Death to Children: How to Do It?

 

The death of a loved one is the most painful emotional experience human beings have. Unfortunately, it can happen that children experience situations of grief and loss from a very young age. Sometimes it can be the death of their pet, which they are very fond of. Other times, however, it can be the loss of a grandfather, a parent or a person very dear to him. The experience of death, therefore, can affect them very closely. This is why it is essential to understand how to talk to children about death in order to help them in such a painful and heartbreaking moment.

The task of those close to children is extremely complex and delicate. The suffering of children scares us a lot and, often, the tendency is to protect them from that pain. Sometimes, people pretend (as far as possible) that nothing has happened. There is no talk of it, believing, in this way, to alleviate the child's suffering. Furthermore, those who are close to the child and have the precious role of supporting him in such a complex moment are often equally torn by the pain of the loss. This makes everything even more complex and painful. But children need to be able to ask questions. They need to talk, to ask and to share their pain. But how to deal with the situation in the best way?

WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO TALK ABOUT DEATH TO CHILDREN?

It is not easy for adults to talk to children about death, because they too are immersed in pain and suffering. However, it is important to help the children understand what is happening, allowing them to talk about these issues too.

It is necessary to explain to children what happened, adapting to their age and their level of development. Sometimes, for over-  protection, we tend to hide (where possible) what happened, through invented stories of voluntary and temporary expulsion. For example, the grandfather went on a long journey. Or: the aunt will be away for a long time. This is very reassuring to people who have to report the loss to the child, but it can be very misleading and dangerous. The little ones are like sponges and are very receptive to their surroundings. They realize the discrepancy between what is communicated to them and the emotions that circulate in the house. For example, they may wonder why their grandfather left without saying goodbye. Or ask yourself why mum and dad are also very sad, if the uncle has only left for a trip.

In addition, children listen to the speeches of adults and immediately realize that something is wrong. The risk, among other things, is that a sort of taboo is created about what happened and that the children feel obliged not to talk and not to ask questions, so as not to further suffer those around them. The sensitivity of children is often overlooked. Many times, in fact, children do not ask questions for fear of exacerbating the pain of those around them.

It is therefore important, albeit very difficult, to talk about death to children. This even if they are very small. Obviously, adapting to the age and development level of the children. This also helps them in the difficult process of mourning.

HOW TO TALK ABOUT DEATH TO CHILDREN?

There are no right words to say or phrases made in these situations. It is important, however, to convey some important messages about the situation. While some things are particularly difficult to accept, it can be risky to give children false hope. Explaining in a reassuring way, respecting the individuality of the children, becomes fundamental. Speaking in a simple and clear way helps children, but also adults, to begin to elaborate slowly what is happening.

- IRREVERSIBILITY. Although terrible, it is necessary to explain to the children that unfortunately the loved one will no longer be able to be with them, at least in the way he always did. It may always be present, but in a different way. While saying this out loud hurts us, it is very important for the baby. Together, however, with the passage of time, new ways can be found to feel close to the person who has passed away.

- UNINTENTIONALITY. It is good to make it clear that the loved one did not want to abandon the child, unhinging that sense of omnipotence that children tend to attribute to adults. It is difficult to make children understand, especially when they are very young. This, however, is very important. This discourse takes on problematic characteristics, however, when the loved one voluntarily decides to take their own life. If the person took his own life through suicide, the situation is even more complex for the children and, of course, for their family members to deal with. Some reflections on this delicate subject can be found here.

- SENSE OF GUILT. If guilt emerges in the child, it is important to take the time to convey that he has no role in the death of a loved one. If the child does not have thoughts of this type, however, it is good to avoid stimulating fantasies that could further confuse him.

TALK ABOUT DEATH TO CHILDREN TO HELP THEM GIVE MEANING

Children, especially in certain stages of life, ask themselves a thousand questions. They want to know the why of everything around them, to understand the meaning of the world and of life. Usually people close to the child have no difficulty in giving simple answers, but the problem arises when faced with situations where not even we adults know how to give an explanation. The death of a loved one is one of them. We can help the child process what he is experiencing with stories. Talking to children about death helps to slowly transform the tragedy into a story, which can become part of a family belief and take on a very important meaning for the whole family.

SUPPORT FOR PARENTS TO TALK ABOUT DEATH TO CHILDREN

It is not easy to talk to children about death, especially when it involves a loved one. Parents or caregivers are also involved in the excruciating pain of loss. For this reason, meetings aimed at caregivers (who takes care of the child) can be useful, in order to provide emotional support, as well as to get practical indications on how to move. These interviews can be useful to offer a space for personal elaboration to the adult that allows to foster awareness of the child's needs.

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Explain To The Children That Now It Is Impossible To Leave The House: What To Do?

I never thought I’d have to write an article called “How to Explain to Children That Now You Can’t Leave the House”. Yet it is so. Today, at the time of the Coronavirus, we find ourselves reflecting on how to help children and young people accept the restrictions necessary to stop this global pandemic.

The historical moment we are experiencing, in fact, is particularly complex. From one day to the next, our lives have been turned upside down. Going to work, waking up early to go to school, going out with friends and walking in the park are habits that, alas, no longer seem to exist. The routine that, at times, seemed to suffocate us and go tight, today, begins to fail. And this applies both to adults, but also to children and teenagers. They too, in fact, often forgotten at this moment, suffer from the dramatic situation we find ourselves living in. It’s not just about the school and the more or less effective online lessons. Even children and young people struggle to find a new balance, in this reality so different from the one we are used to facing.

Explain To Children That Now You Cannot Leave The House: Why Is It Important?

It is essential to explain to children that now they cannot leave the house. Because? To help them understand the meaning of this enormous sacrifice. Because, although children seem, in general, to adapt better than adults to changes, staying at home all day is a huge commitment. Especially in a period of growth such as childhood, where routine acquires a fundamental role, seeing your daily life upset is very tiring.

Furthermore, children and young people are asked not to be able to attend their schoolmates, friends and neighbors anymore. The grandparents, uncles and relatives who are used to attend. There are no longer walks in the park, football games or training in the pool. What we are asking of them are major sacrifices. Explaining to the children that now they cannot leave the house, therefore, is essential to make sense of this effort.

Explaining the Coronavirus to children and the importance of staying at home obviously needs to be done taking into consideration the child’s age and level of development. This step allows, in fact, to transform what seems a passive obligation into an active choice to fight the Coronavirus. It seems little, but it is not. What we are being asked to do is stay home to fight a very serious global pandemic. Explaining to the children that you can’t leave the house now allows you to play an active role in this battle.

Explaining to children what is happening, highlighting the active role we can have, becomes very important. And it allows us to overcome that sense of helplessness that often grips us.

Explain To Children That You Cannot Leave The House: Why Mom And Dad Yes, And Me Not?

The restrictions of the latest decrees impose a very strict regime. You can only go out for work, basic necessities or emergencies. Therefore, children and young people are not included in the exits.

This is necessary to avoid the spread of the infection. At the same time, however, what we are asking of children is a great sacrifice. Even if we do not realize it, the possibility that we adults have to go out to take the dog to do the needs or go to the supermarket with the necessary precautions, still remain two opportunities to get some air. Children and adolescents, on the other hand, are excluded from this possibility.

Right now, those who have a garden and a small courtyard are very lucky. With the necessary precautions and avoiding gatherings, it is thus possible to stay in the open air. Those with a balcony can take advantage of it to let the Early Childhood Education And Care to play a little “away from home”. Thanks to the warm days that the summer will bring, it can be an opportunity to “get out of the house” while still being in your home. Not everyone, however, is so lucky. Especially those who live in big cities (but not only) do not have gardens or balconies. It is important to remember, then, to ventilate the rooms, in order to favor the exchange of air, essential for everyone, including children and teenagers.

What is asked of them is a great sacrifice, but it is important to explain to the children that now they cannot leave the house, if not only for urgent needs.

Explain To Children That Now You Cannot Leave The House: How To Organize The Routine

Even if the rhythms are no longer marked by deadlines, it is important for children and young people to maintain a routine. Building a regular daily life, even if different from the previous one, is fundamental.

Timetables

In a reality where there are no longer fixed times, it is important to maintain a regularity of the sleep-wake cycle. Setting the alarm and getting up at more or less the same time, even for children, plays an important role. Wash, get ready and have breakfast. Maintaining the regularity of meals also becomes central. Especially in this period, where the appetite can increase or decrease, it is important to favor a healthy and varied diet. Staying at home for a long time, for example, can lead children to eat often and between meals, perhaps even out of boredom. Conversely, some children and teenagers can skip meals. Maintaining regularity, therefore, becomes central.

Organization

Staying indoors allows you to share more time with the family. This is true, but not always. The possibility of working in smart working for mum and dad, for example, is an excellent opportunity, but it must be managed appropriately. It is not easy, without pre-defined timetables, to be able to take the time to work or disconnect at the right time. For this it may be appropriate to plan the days. This allows, in fact, not only to have more time, but to have quality time. The importance of organizing, however, does not only concern parents.

Even children and young people must learn to organize their days, in a different way than they were used to just a few months ago. The absence of defined times (except for video lessons), extra-curricular activities and various commitments, can lead to continuous procrastination or, on the contrary, to the inability to “switch off”. Creating daily schedules can be very useful in this regard.

Explain To Children That Now You Cannot Leave The House, But That You Should Not Always Be Attached To Your Phone And Computer

One of the big problems that mom and dad have to face in this situation is the regulation of the use of phones, tablets, computers and various electronic games. A little because school lessons are done on the PC, a little because of the need to video call friends or to play games with the PlayStation, the use of new technologies in this period has significantly increased for everyone.

The Net certainly allows us to maintain contact with the world and to shorten those distances which, to date, seem so infinite. Therefore, the possibility of using all these devices is welcome. It is important, however, to regulate the use of telephones and computers, to prevent the children from spending most of their days there. In this particular period, in fact, it can be useful to take the opportunity to spend time together, play games, and share daily activities.

Explaining To Children That You Cannot Leave The House: The Importance Of The Example

How to explain to the children that now they cannot leave the house? In words, but also (and above all) by example. As always, the example of adults is worth a thousand explanations. While this isn’t always easy, for example, it may be wise to avoid complaining about restrictions on a daily basis. It is physiological to have moments of impatience, but the difficulty of staying at home should not be the only thought. It is complex for everyone, but complaining every day is useless.

It becomes more useful, however, to find fun and alternative ways to pass the time. Building, inventing something. Give space to the imagination. Rest. It is not necessary to fill in all the blanks we have. This complex period, among all the negative things it brings with it, can leave us an important legacy. Learning to live in the present, without necessarily doing or running. Without, necessarily, filling in all the blanks. And finally, it can be useful to think slowly about the future. Starting to think about a trip out of town, which dinners to organize, which friends to see first. In short, start dreaming of the future.

Being Heard By Children: How to Do It?

Often parents and teachers wonder how they can make themselves heard by children. Many times, in fact, one has the feeling of speaking in vain. It seems that the children are not listening, not accepting the indications that are being given to them. How many times does it happen to say things a hundred times and not get the attention of children? “Clothes ",” Don't beat your brother ", "Put your room in order" are just some of the phrases that adults find themselves repeating many times a day, often without success. So how do you make children listen to you? What is the best way to adopt?

LISTENING TO CHILDREN: IS THIS THE RIGHT QUESTION?

Is it fair to ask how to be heard by children? What do you really mean by this question? There are several positions regarding the most effective education system to adopt with children. Some argue that an authoritarian attitude, based on respect for authority as such, is the right way to teach children how to behave. In contrast to this educational style we find permissiveness, in which the child is given full freedom, without offering him the tools to manage it.

Between these two positions, the authoritative educational style is that which allows children to grow up calm and balanced. Children need rules and be guided in growth, providing them with the tools to become free people, able to reflect and choose for themselves. It is only through an authoritative attitude, in fact, that children can experience themselves, regulated by a welcoming but solid context.

Is it right, therefore, to ask yourself how to make children listen to you? Certainly yes, because it is important to offer children a safe place to move and experiment, taking their measurements. It is only through rules, in fact, that children can grow happy and find their own balance. What can be done as adults, however, is to change perspective in the question. Often, in fact, it is thought that if the children do not listen to the fault, it will be their fault. In reality, even if the responsibility for not listening is obviously theirs, this is of little use to us. What we can do, however, is to understand how we can modify our behavior to make children listen to us. The responsibility in fact, education is always in adults. In fact, it is the adult who must structure the educational environment for that specific child. The question we can ask ourselves, therefore, is what we adults can do, to make ourselves heard by children.

HOW TO BE LISTENED TO CHILDREN: SOME PRACTICAL ADVICE

CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS. Sometimes, without realizing it, adults give confusing instructions. Although they may seem clear to adults, in fact, they are not. The request must be calibrated to the age of the child, also for how it is expressed. For example, sometimes saying to a small child in the morning "Get ready" is not enough: you need to be more concrete and define the various steps, so that the little one knows for sure how to move. Even the classic recommendation "Be good" often falls on deaf ears, because for the child it has too broad a meaning.

 ONLY ONCE. Often, prefiguring the fact that the child will not follow the directions, we tend to repeat things several times. This habituates children, who expect that they can eventually obey after the third time. Expressing one's affirmation once only, on the other hand, helps to pass the message that the indication must be heard immediately.

 ONE REQUEST AT A TIME. Sometimes the indications given to children are too redundant. When many requests arise, all together, there is the risk of confusing the children. For this reason, whenever possible, it is better to give one indication at a time, without overloading the children with information all together.

 MAKE SURE THE CHILD IS LISTENING. It seems obvious, but if the child is involved in a very pleasant activity, is in the company of other people or his attention is completely absorbed by another, it is difficult for him to receive the information that we are giving him or, at least, the it’s importance. For this reason, before making a request, it is important to get his attention, asking him to stop his activity for a moment to dedicate time to what he is about to say.

BE LISTENED TO CHILDREN: IS SCREAMING NEEDED?

Sometimes, we hear that screaming is the only way for children to listen. It's really like this? Is shouting really effective? Perhaps, exasperated by the situation, raising your voice is the only way to make children listen to you. But it is not a good thing to get exasperated to get what was asked of the child. For this, it is important to make sure not to scream. The attention of children, in fact, must be caught much earlier.

Children are people: it is important to adopt kind and courteous ways. This does not mean giving children the opportunity to do what they want, on the contrary. The rules must be clear and firm. But the way they are placed can change a lot. The indications that are given to children are for his own good, so also the way in which they are placed is important that he conveys this message. Withdrawing used games, for example, is not a punishment: the child is simply being taught to keep his things and spaces in order. It is an act of love that the child must learn for himself. Giving indications in a serene and calm way, often, contrary to what is believed, allows to obtain greater results.

CANNOT BE LISTENED TO CHILDREN? WHEN TO ACTIVATE

Furthermore, it seems trivial, but it is important to remember that children are people different from their parents and teachers. For this reason, it is natural that sometimes they say no or oppose certain decisions. If in a contained way, these behaviors are indicative of healthy growth and psychological maturation.

When, however, they are constant and the authoritativeness of the adult has no influence then, perhaps, it is necessary to understand what is behind this behavior. It can be a sign of a moment of suffering or unease. Indeed, the child can adopt an opposing attitude, provoke and try to get the attention of the adult world. Instead, it can be a particularly complex moment in family life. In a particularly stressful situation, sometimes, as parents, it is difficult to maintain a coherent educational system, and the child may find himself confused in the face of the situation.

It is therefore important to take action to understand how to deal with the situation. Working in this sense is fundamental. In fact, dragging the situation too far risks becoming a constant opportunity for confrontation between the child and the parents, causing stress and suffering for both, giving life to a self-feeding circle.

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The Child and the Media: Influence and Education

The media everywhere exert a certain fascination because they are very attractive and easy to access. Being an integral part of the child's environment, they participate in the evolution of their imagination, and are enriching for their creative spirit.

However, the media can also manipulate the child by touching his sensitivity, his fragility because he is a small man in the making, still unable to have a critical look and take the necessary distance.

It is important, even essential for parents, to teach them how to use the media wisely to get them to understand how they work and gradually to separate truth from fiction.

The real and the imaginary in the child

At 3-4 years, the child does not discern the true from the false, nor the imaginary of the real, he does not know how to dissociate the silent thought and the words that can translate this thought. Bruner writes on this subject that the young child is convinced that the person before him knows all his thoughts.

The child has a particularly developed imagination. He can invent and tell aloud many stories without premeditation or malice. He tells them to have fun, he identifies with his heroes, without worrying about realism. The stories come to him naturally, from his childhood life, everyday rituals, moments spent with the family, the nanny, the school...

"The identification with a superhero means above all in the child a desire to be great, to identify with parents, with those he loves. It's a declaration of love. The fascination for the superhero, on the other hand, is not positive because it can translate a fear of the world, a desire to take back virtually the control of reality. The game, drawing or writing, can support the real by providing magic offsets. "

It is important to help the child become anchored little by little in reality, to project, without restricting his imagination. Some recommendations can lead him to make the difference between the imaginary world and reality:

·         Valuing the child's words when they are right, true. When he has made a mistake or a mistake, the parent can encourage him to say what really happened. It is important to congratulate him when he recognizes his error or his mistakes and when he repairs. The scolding is not the most effective, the child would later seek to hide his mistakes and lie for fear of being punished.

·         Avoid making a moral judgment about your child's "stories". "You really talk about anything!" During an interview explains that parents can try to read behind the words, even when the words "lie", and find out what is the hidden truth in the story of the child. For example, if the child says: "I'm cold!" While it's hot, it's better not to answer him: "No, it's hot!" It is essential to respect the unique feeling of the child. Even if this feeling does not correspond to reality, it still corresponds to something that the child seeks to express. This is how he can strengthen his self-confidence.

After 4 years, the child discovers what is not real. This does not prevent him from continuing to invent stories. The psychologist answered on this subject: "If he tells you that he drives a car, rather than telling him:" It is not possible! ", Which would cancel his word and his imaginary world, it is possible to enter his imagination by graciously correcting: "Ah, you would like to drive a car ... You would like to be able to do it already .... But do you really know how old you will be able to do it?

The media

a) Their influence:

The media exert a lot of influence on the psychosocial development of the child. They quickly realized that advertising products marketed to children is very effective because they do not understand the principle of hype and advertising bluff. They tend to believe everything they are told, and they may even feel deprived of something essential if they do not acquire the products touted by advertising. Most preschoolers do not understand the difference between a show designed to entertain and an advertisement made to sell. "Several studies show that because of their level of development, children before primary do not necessarily distinguish advertising from regular programs."

b) Images and violent sounds:

The violent images that are most likely to disrupt a child are scenes of real-life events, hot topics such as bombings, war, famines in foreign countries .., as well as scenes in which animals are injured or killed. Psychiatrist, specifies: "As far as what is shown, it is its emotional context which matters for the small child. For him, seeing a soldier firing a machine gun is less disturbing than seeing people howling, crying, and running out of their homes. And he is even more disturbed when he does not know what value to attribute to this emotional intensity, as is the case when he sees pornographic images. "

Understanding an injured child by the media images?

"From the age of 2, a child is able to turn away from something that bothers him, such as leaving the room or changing channels when he is older,". However, if some violent images have caused him emotional stress, in the form of anguish, fear, anger or disgust, he will seek to protect himself, not only but in front of someone. For this, he tries to transform these images in 3 ways:

·         by talking about it,

·         by telling each other stories

·         or by reproducing, imitating the stressful gestures he has seen.

Daily accompaniment

Adults who are aware of the risks that a child faces in the media can guide him or her in the relevant use of the whole, be it TV, radio, video or computer games, the Internet...

·         With good media management for example in its second year, television habits can be established, and parents knowledgeable about the shows and their hours of broadcast.

·         Watch television, the Internet together and enjoy these times to discuss programs, images, what the real order is, and what is fictional. He proposes to establish a climate of trust and a constructive dialogue and not to systematically ban everything. Other media such as magazines and radio can be supervised by adults because they can also influence the child's eating habits, physical activity, consumption or mental health.

·         Vary activities shared with the family: cooking, DIY, various outings (walks, zoo, park, museum, outdoor games ...), because the more children spend time with the media, the more they are influenced by them (television for example). A child who has problems with aggression, or who seems more vulnerable.... may be too exposed.

·         Continue to keep abreast of the most recent data on the influence of the media and the development of psychosocial health of the child.

Conclusion

The issue of children's exposure to the various media is an integral part of education today. Parents and professionals play a very important role in the social learning of the child. The media have their good side, they are rewarding for all. To speak about them regularly and to share the opinions of each one, each one, big and small, is to act as parents-educators actors.

The media is ubiquitous and the pressure is constant. Also, do not let them take over our children, when it comes to education and influence.

Source: Security Operations Certificates Melbourne

Educate Parents to Use Smartphones and Tablets

There is often talk of the importance of educating children and adolescents to use new technologies. In fact, the Internet is an extremely useful and powerful tool, capable of improving the quality of life in an extraordinary way. Through the mobile phone, in fact, today we can read books, search for recipes, shop and find our way around the world. In short, with the cell phone we can do almost everything. As an extremely powerful tool, however, it is important to use it properly and responsibly. This is why it is important to invest in education for new technologies of the new generations. But to do this, of course, the adult should also get involved. Often, in fact, we overlook the fact that it is fundamental, first of all, to educate parents on the use of smartphones and tablets. Only in this way, in fact, it is possible to transmit a positive and responsible model for the use of new technologies.

EDUCATING PARENTS TO USE SMARTPHONE AND TABLET:

It is impossible and, above all, useless and harmful to completely deprive children of new technologies. Our society is moving in that direction and, therefore, it is more appropriate to educate children to use the Internet in a conscious and responsible way, rather than to completely deprive them. Obviously, however, it is essential to take into account the age and development level of the child. It is impossible to think, in fact, that a four-year-old boy could have the same access to a cell phone as a twelve-year-old boy.

Today's babies are called "digital natives" because, from birth, they find themselves immersed in technology. Perhaps for the first time in history, they are the little ones who apparently seem to know more about their parents on how to use smartphones and tablets. The children, in fact, already very young, manage to explain how to move in the world of the internet. For their parents, however, it is often a relatively new reality. They approached technologies perhaps as a child, but were not born immersed in this world. Even for adults, therefore, the world of the Internet and its potential are still to be discovered. For this reason, perhaps, it is necessary to take a step back before educating children to use the Internet. It is fundamental, in fact, to ask ourselves if, as adults, we know how to regulate ourselves in the use of new technologies.

EDUCATING PARENTS TO USE SMARTPHONES AND TABLETS: THE IMPORTANCE OF THE EXAMPLE

Many times parents report serious concerns about the time children spend in front of their cell phones. This is understandable. Recent studies show that, on average, children, even very small ones, spend most of their day in front of a device. It really makes an impression to see how absorbed the children are in front of a screen. If we happen to see a child in front of a phone and / or a tablet, we all remain open-mouthed. But let's try a moment to broaden our horizon. Let's try to look around on the subway, at the bus stop or in a bar. What are most adults doing?

We live in a world completely immersed in new technologies. Staying out of them is impossible, but learning to use them consciously and responsibly is possible. Indeed, our duty. How can we educate children to use their mobile phone responsibly if they don't commit themselves to work first? Educating parents on the use of smartphones and tablets therefore becomes fundamental.

EDUCATING PARENTS TO USE SMARTPHONES AND TABLETS: HOW LONG ARE WE CONNECTED?

New technologies are taking up our time more and more. How often do we watch the time on the phone? The arrival of a WhatsApp message, Facebook notification or Instagram like? The time of the appointment at the dentist? The title of that song we don't remember anymore? And if there is some free time, who is not going to browse the profiles of friends and acquaintances? In short, how many times in an hour do we unlock the keyboard and look at the bright screen?

As is known, children struggle to manage time in front of telephones. And the same goes for adults too. For this reason, educating parents on the use of smartphones and tablets is essential. Not to demonize its use, but to be aware of the effort that can be done to get away from the phone. In fact, the risk of becoming dependent on it is very high.

EDUCATING PARENTS TO USE SMARTPHONES AND TABLETS: TECNOFERENCE

Not only. An American research has highlighted another very important effect of the excessive use of mobile phones and tablets. The study, conducted by Illinois State University and the University of Michigan, focused on the concept of techno reference. The term indicates the interference during interactions related to the continuous and repeated interruptions related to the use of the mobile phone. In fact, communication is not just verbal. When two people interact, looks and eye contact also become fundamental. Inevitably, with the constant interruptions related to the use of the mobile phone, this communication is disturbed. And this also occurs in the interaction between parents and children.

The results are worrying. The constant interruption to throw an eye on the mobile phone, reply to the message or watch social media can lead to important consequences on the relationship between parents and children. This emerges especially when they occur in daily sharing moments, such as during meals or in the routine of falling asleep. But not only. Research shows that the effects of techno-resistance can also be transferred to the psycho-emotional well-being of children. Indeed, emotional or behavioral difficulties may arise.

EDUCATING PARENTS TO USE SMARTPHONES AND TABLETS: THE IMPORTANCE OF SHARING RULES

Smartphones and cell phones allow us to do many things. Some of these, unthinkable even just a few decades ago. That said, the time spent in front of smartphones and tablets is far too much. Some studies indicate that the time spent in front of the mobile phone by adults is really a lot. How, then, to educate parents on the use of smartphones and tablets, so that they can also be a reference model for children? First, it is important to share some rules. This does not mean that the time that parents have to stay on the phone must be equal to that of the children. Rather. The adult also uses it (but not always) for valid reasons. However, at the same time, it is important to share some rules for positive and responsible use. The concepts on which it can be useful to reflect are:

THE WEATHER

How long can you stay in front of the screen? For adults, it can be helpful to monitor the time spent in front of the phone. There are several applications, created precisely to empower a conscious use of smartphones. Sometimes, having an idea of ​​the time spent online can lead us to reflect and change our habits.

SPACE

Can the mobile phone always be used? It is now automatic to remove the mobile phone from your pocket or bag as soon as you have a free moment. Even at the supermarket checkout, to cheat time. But also when chatting with friends, during family meals, before falling asleep. Choosing together the moments in which it is good to leave the mobile phone aside can be very useful for carving out moments that are not polluted by continuous interference and distractions.

As repeatedly said, new technologies are a very powerful resource. The opportunities they offer us are innumerable. There is no need, therefore, to demonize technology and progress, but it is much more useful to take action to make responsible and positive use of it. For this reason, educating parents on the use of smartphones and tablets becomes a main objective.

Source: Early Childhood Education And Care Certification Melbourne