The ' Education is a central theme of each
family. It is important for parents to maintain a coherent and shared
educational system that helps the child understand how to behave and what is
not allowed to do. It is not an easy path, the educational one, and it puts a
strain on parents. After a separation, however, this project becomes even
thornier. In fact, the education of children after separation takes on
considerable complexity and can become a real challenge for parents.
Two houses and two different routines lead
parents to no longer share the rules of behavior under one roof. Sometimes, mom
and dad can soften on the regulatory aspect. This may be because of the guilt
they feel for the decision they have had to make. To avoid other frustrations,
therefore, they find themselves putting less rules or not enforcing them
adequately. Even the strong emotions that parents experience can divert
attention from the educational plan. The presence of strong anger linked to the
conflict between the ex-spouses can, for example, make all energies concentrate
elsewhere, flying over the education of children after separation.
The risk could be that of disorienting the
child, who finds himself no longer having a safe framework in which to move, in
which the principles of his education are defined. The education of children
after separation becomes, therefore, one of the main themes in the
communication between mom and dad who, although they are no longer couples,
will always be parents.
EDUCATION OF CHILDREN AFTER SEPARATION: WHAT TO DO?
·
STABILITY. The separation concerns mom
and dad. Inevitably, it has repercussions on the whole family system,
especially the children. It is important, however, that, although more husband
and wife, the parenting couple remains a point of reference. For this reason,
the constant presence of both parents in their children's decisions becomes
fundamental.
·
COMMUNICATION. It seems trivial to say
it, but communication between mom and dad is essential. It is important that
parents talk to each other about the educational aspects of their children.
Even where the situation is not perfectly peaceful, they must share some
fundamental rules that are necessary for the development of children. This does
not mean that the education of the parents must be identical: the children, in
fact, need parental references that, even with their specificities, maintain a
common educational line.
·
SHARING. Although many decisions must be
made on the spot, the choices must be shared as much as possible. Taking
positions by imposing itself, in fact, risks exacerbating or reactivating
conflicts, to the detriment of the child only. Discussing and arguing about
children's education is very common, especially after a separation. This,
however, moves away from the common goal: the well-being and serenity of the
children. Although difficult, putting aside grudges and rivalries is always the
best choice.
THE EDUCATION OF CHILDREN AFTER SEPARATION: HOW TO ADDRESS
THE SENSES OF Fault
One of the feelings most experienced by
separated parents is that of guilt. It may be that the parent who (formally)
made the decision to split lives mixed feelings and tends to put aside the
regulatory role a little. Sometimes, those who find themselves seeing the child
less and being less part of their daily life choose to take on the role of the
friend, to try to avoid conflicts and clashes. The situations can be endless.
Education after separation is not easy.
Very strong experiences intervene and it is not always easy to understand what
to do. After the first period of adjustment, however, it is important to
refocus on what are the priorities of the children. Sometimes, a shared path
can be a good way to deal with education after separation. To prevent conflicts
and clashes from rekindling, a path to support parenting can be an opportunity
to communicate functionally on these issues. Also because, it is good to keep
in mind, these situations, if prolonged, risk being dangerous. In fact, they
risk confusing the child and sucking him into very complex dynamics. This also
applies to the adolescent period, where parental reference is essential.
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